It's a big big world...

I have recently discovered that I live on the wrong side of the planet. This is a feeling that is not entirely unfamiliar to me. Around age 15 I started feeling this inexplicable pull to move half-way around the world. Eight years later I ended up in Seattle, WA, and if it had not been for the company I found myself in I would have enjoyed the experience more.

While I was over there, I had my son and, as any parent knows, my life kind of shifted it's gravity to revolve around this new person. So when it came time to make a decision to stay or go, I chose to go because I felt it was the best thing for him.

Long story short, turned out it was not the best thing for him, or for me, but hindsight is 20-20 as they say. Now he is older, and no longer with me, and the pull is back. I feel like an alien over here. Wrong place, wrong time. Unfortunately, I can do nothing to change things.

The absolute worst part of it all is that I am pulled in two different directions. I want to be over there (Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, somewhere along the coast there), but I also want to be close to my son and he is here. If I believed in a hell, this would be it.

Lately I ask myself at least once a day, why I chose to go. Would it really have been so bad to stay? I could have made it work. But again, hindsight. I honestly thought our life would be better here.

So here I am, stuck on the wrong side of the world, using the Intertubes to live vicariously through others and keep some semblance of contact with the life I wish I had. Holding on by my fingernails to some scrap of sanity by keeping an active virtual social life. Sad, isn't it?