Emotional

In my quest to see all the movies Nathan Fillion has done I watched "Trucker" tonight and it hit me pretty hard. I realised that I very much wish we had had a choice, like Diane and Peter had at the end.

I try to cope, take one day, even one hour, at a time, but it requires lots of distractions to keep my mind off the thoughts I must not think. Nights are the hardest, when I try to sleep and those thoughts come rushing in to fill the silence. It is a fine balancing act then, to occupy the mind with frivolous thoughts, daydreams and such, just enough to keep the bad thoughts out but not enough to keep me awake. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

I thought I did the right thing, but now I am not so sure. Yet for all my doubts I am stuck in the situation. As Captain Mal would say "it is what it is" and nothing I do will change it now. Luckily the Interwebs has no shortage of distractions to keep me occupied.